“What’s done is done.” That’s what my momma told me. As a child, it was a concept bigger than my young mind could hold. Now, with decades of experiences behind me I understand.
There are words spoken in anger, and meant only to express distress, that can never be erased. They were said; and, reaching their target, linger long after the outburst. There are actions taken – to get even – that create more animosity rather than settling any score. There are the choices made that cause pain to others. There are those of us bearing the scars of someone else’s choices that cause us to speak and act in hurtful ways.
The list is endless, and the cycle can repeat forever.
For many years, I sat in a rocker and listened to individuals and couples and families describe past pains and the way they felt stuck in the repetitiion of hurting. I listened, and I watched as these patterns became the defining points of their personalities and character. Over time, I realized that the clients who spent the most time reliving and thinking about the harm done them in the past took the longest to find solutions in their present circumstance. And the people less inclined to delve and analyze were the easiest to help focus into the changes they desired.
They embody my mother’s early teaching: “What’s done is done.” Continue reading “Make Peace with the Past to Change the Future – Forgive”